Disclaimer: This may not be politically correct. Adoption is a very hard topic for all involved. The adoptee, Avery, has experienced loss and will have to deal with that later in life. The birth parents experience a loss that I can’t even begin to imagine. They’ve made a choice to give their child a life better than they are able to at the moment. The adoptive parents, well, I don’t really know what everyone feels. I can only tell you what I feel. So, here’s the overview of my story.
As I was rocking Avery to sleep tonight, I couldn’t help but feel grateful. I also felt wonder. The amount of things that had to happen to bring him into our life is overwhelming.
Throughout this journey, I had a multitude of feelings. Some people feel called to adoption. I don’t think that was our case. It was a means to a family. It wasn’t something we’d ALWAYS wanted to do. It was simply the only way that we were going to raise a child/children. Throughout the process, I had to do a lot of soul searching. We created a profile book, had a home study and signed up with agencies. THAT was the easy part.
Within a couple of weeks we were getting e-mails and phone calls about situations. We’d be able to read over the info and decide whether or not we wanted our profile to be presented. We said yes to many and no to several. We’d wait a few days after saying yes and then we’d get an e-mail that the expectant mother had chosen another family or chosen to parent. We always moved on from these. This was easy. The hard ones were the ones that we chose not to be presented to. I don’t know why this was so hard. It felt as if we were saying no to a child. Maybe a little bit of a beggars can’t be choosers mentality? Our consultant assured us that those children would have amazing parents, someone would say yes. Nevertheless, I always felt TERRIBLE saying no.
I remember after one particularly difficult no, sitting on the porch with mom, crying that I just didn’t want to make our life hard. Vedran and I have a great life. We didn’t NEED a child to make our lives full, but we desperately wanted a family.
Avery’s situation started like any other Thursday. We got an email about an expectant mother, I read it over and responded that yes, we’d like to be presented. Vedran and I had discussed through the entire home study process what types of situations were yesses, which ones were nos and which ones we needed to discuss. I told Vedran about it when he got home, like I always did. I told him why this felt perfect, like I always did. We dreamt of the due date, like we always did. We talked about names and futures and possibilities, like we always did. Then we went to bed and pushed it onto the back burner. We got really good at getting excited for a quick minute and then moving on. The weekend came and went. I woke up Monday morning, SURE that I was dying. Mom rushed me to the Emergency Room where it was confirmed that I was having a gallbladder attack. I made a comment about not having to go through childbirth but I was going to feel every other pain. I had pretty much forgotten about the situation from Thursday.
The next day, my friend Susan came over. We were sitting on the couch chatting. My phone rang and it was a Florida number. I always answer those because it MIGHT be an agency but it was almost always the Student Loan Debt Relief people. I answered, annoyed, and it was NOT them. It was our lawyer, we’d been chosen. I couldn’t believe it. We had heard so many no’s in such a short time that I never imagined a yes. Several things happened in that moment, I built a wall around my heart. I was going to get excited, but not too excited. There was paperwork that needed filled out, and LOTS of it. Stuff needed to happen before baby arrived so we better get that ball rolling. We told our closest family and friends and that was it for quite awhile.
The agency was going to set up a Skype meeting between myself and the expectant mother. I was excited, but also terrified. What if…what if…what if….
To be continued…