As someone who works from home, there are weeks that I have my ish together. I go to the gym, shower, fix my hair, put on real clothes and really feel like I could conquer the world. Then, there are weeks like this one. Weeks where I don’t wash my hair, put on makeup or wear real pants and the house becomes a catastrophe around me. The most I did outside of work this week was drive up the hill to take a bubble bath in my mom’s princess tub (more than once). You know what? I don’t feel bad about it at all.
When we started this adoption process, Vedran and I both prayed for a stork drop, a call that a baby was already born and we needed to be on our way. This wouldn’t allow us all of the anxiety of a wait. Guess what? We were matched when our sweet expectant mama was only 8 weeks along. I thought I’d die. This was going to take forever (and in my mind, it has). We’ve also handled it really well. We haven’t gotten overly excited or overly anxious. We’ve put it on the back burner most days. I haven’t had to rely on xanax at all…until the holiday’s ended. OH MAN!
January 1st and my anxiety reared it’s ugly head full force. I haven’t been able to think of anything else. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a control freak of the worst kind. Vedran doesn’t dare ever even go to the driver’s side of the car if we’re going anywhere. That’s my job. I’m the driver. Guess what? In adoption, I am NOT the driver. I’m not even the passenger. I’m like the dang homeless person standing at the stop light waiting for a hand out. Just waiting…and waiting.
I wouldn’t have it any other way though. We’ve had this time to fall in love with baby and his mama. We’ve been able to enjoy all the perks of “pregnancy”, nesting, day dreaming, planning. Tomorrow, I get to have a baby shower. So, no, I may not have the pregnancy hormones, but I sure do have the adoption ones. I can’t make a decision to save my life and I cry at the drop of a hat (or an Amazon commercial promoting peace and love).
So, I currently have baby on the brain and can’t think of anything else. I’m worried, excited, terrified, excited and so very ready to meet this little man.