When a relationship ends, you delete that person’s number from your contacts. It’s a false sense of security because you KNOW that number. You’re going to go out, have one too many drinks and still text that person. Some numbers fade with time, some don’t. I never saved my oncologists number in my contacts because it’s not a number that I want to know. I still go through the motions every time it’s time to make the next appointment. I get online, look up the number and call. But, I KNOW that number.
So today, one week after my appointment, the phone rang and the caller ID was that number my heart instantly sank. This was it, another dose of the terrible awful. It was Laura, the P.A. calling to let me know that they were talking about me. I’ve had some aches and pains lately. She said they could do some follow up now if it would make me feel better or wait and see how I feel in 3 months. I’ve opted to wait because if they aren’t worried, neither am I. I’ve been working out, losing weight, not taking my hormones. I think it’s just growing (or shrinking) pains. So, back on the hormones and the weight loss bus.
It’s the reminder though. The reminder that this happened. The reminder that life is fragile. The reminder that my life/future has been forever altered. So today has required a few extra deep breaths, a couple of nervous tears, and a moment alone on the dock. I AM okay. I AM healthy. But, I AM forever changed.