It’s strange how anxiety hits. I’m unloading groceries, cleaning out the refrigerator, all is well. Then it hits. My chest tightens, tears well up in my eyes and I can’t breathe. Sorrow overcomes. This is NOT my life. This isn’t what I had planned. I curse the universe, God, everyone that has what I want.
Thanks to my therapist and Xanax, I slowly come back to earth. This IS my life and it is so full of amazing blessings. It’s also a reminder that I’m still allowed to be sad. I’m still allowed to own my loss.
My 2 year appointment with the oncologist is next week. I try not to acknowledge it but it always brings about 2 weeks of unease. There will probably be a lot of short answers and blank stares but I’ll get to the other side.
We anxiously await the arrival of Baby Mesanovic. People have asked, we’re still patiently waiting. We don’t know anything other than we’re ready.