Change, survival, and healing….

The last three years have been full for Team Mesanovic.

In 2013, we decided to move to Indiana on a whim. We both fell into great jobs and had to pack and move within days, separately. We had to get used to a new environment, new jobs and a new routine. We did it!

2014 brought the unimaginable. We merely survived. I entered a place darker than I ever imagined. Our marriage struggled. Would we make it? We simply kept putting one foot in front of the other and simply survived each day.

2015 has been a year of healing. Healing ourselves and our relationships. We are no longer angry and bitter. We are hopeful, excited, content. I can honestly say that I don’t remember much of the last 3 years. Maybe that’s a coping skill, forgetting that everything isn’t perfect. I’ve learned to be content and comfortable in my own skin. I’ve learned to roll with the punches and to accept that I am not in control. I end this year feeling happy and full and excited for what’s to come. Maybe 2016 will be the year that we become parents, maybe it won’t. Whatever it is, it’s okay. We will have a year full of adventures as a couple and cherish every one of them.

Happy New Year! Bring it on!


I’m a quitter….

It’s no secret to those close to me. I’m a quitter! I love to start new hobbies, projects, diets, causes, interests. I mean, really, I dive in head first and go full force until I’m bored or frustrated…then…I quit. It’s always been a little bit of a joke to my husband. He just goes along with my harebrained ideas, cheering me on from the sidelines. Sometimes he gives me shit when I quit, most of the time he doesn’t. 

Something has changed though. Quitting, anything, is no longer an option. Anyone who has adopted or is adopting knows that the paperwork is endless and frustrating. The profile alone is enough to make a grown man cry. There have been at least 100 times that I’ve wanted to scream, cry, throw in the towel but I haven’t. I’ve learned to step back, take a deep breath and keep moving forward. I have let this translate to other areas of my life as well. (Even IKEA furniture can’t stop me now!)

So, when our caseworker called today to reschedule, I really wanted to over exaggerate the situation (Oh my world is ending, why me, nothing ever goes my way!) but I didn’t. I gave myself 15 minutes to be disappointed, shed a few tears and then get over it. This was one of the small things. My hubby and I got dressed, had coffee, spoke with one of our adoption attorneys and went out for an excellent day. I think we needed a day to reconnect, to “quit” life for a day. 

Sometimes it’s okay to be a quitter. But follow through is oh so sweet! Now, I’m going to go sit in the garage and watch my hubby build a craft area for all of my projects. Many will start, most will be finished! Bahahahaha!