I’ve spent most of the past year hating you. I spend my time thinking about what you have taken from me. You ruined my life, my plans, my sunny disposition. You turned me into a different person. You made me hate my body and myself. You made my marriage fragile. For the first time in my life I felt shame, regret. I have hot flashes and night sweats. I will never stop hating you.
Lately though, I’ve been thinking about what you’ve given me and how you’ve changed my life for the better. I’m strong; mentally, physically, emotionally. I kept going when all I wanted to do was melt into the earth. I rarely lost my smile. I realize just how fragile this life is. This is the only body that I get and I have a lot of work to do. I lift weights 2 days a week, Pulse 3 days, walked 2 half marathons with the third coming up. You have taken away my excuses. I refused to use cancer as an excuse, therefore, there are no more excuses. Before you, I made a lot of excuses. I’m not going to let opportunities pass me by. I don’t want to waste a moment. I hope to be present on this earth for 50 more years, but if it’s only 5, 10, or 20…I want it to be full!
I have friends. I always felt lucky to be surrounded by wonderful people in my life. I didn’t realize just how wonderful. I have felt wrapped in love and care throughout this entire journey.
I’m done with you! Now onto the next journeys. Home-buying, vacations, adoption, parenting and living the best life imaginable.
Jenni (The Powerful)