Many of you know that I was NOT at all looking forward to this summer. I was facing a surgery and possible treatment for a rare and aggressive cancer. I was going to lose my ability to carry a child, something that I have longed to do for as long as I can remember. Pregnant women are beautiful, amazing, and walking miracles. I wanted to be one but never would be. Well, because of that, this summer has been quite the rollercoaster.
My first 3 weeks were spent preparing for and recovering from surgery. This was rock bottom I hope. My thoughts went to places darker than I’d ever imagined. My soul purpose in life had been ruined. I would never be able to give my husband the children that he so desired, my parents the grandchildren that they so deserve. Many nights, as I fell asleep, I didn’t care if I woke up the next day. It seemed that there was no longer a purpose, a goal, a will to go on. Then, the universe did something that would change the way I felt.
Visitors started pouring in, my in-laws, my Florida family, my best friend and her husband, another best friend from Florida, and somewhere in there an impromptu trip to Cincinatti and Nashville. My cup runneth over. I saw how loved that I was. I got the cancer free card. These people thought no less of me now that I couldn’t carry a child, they were just happy that I was okay. They only cared about me and my well being. We all laughed, cried, hugged, ate, drank and my soul slowly recovered. I will never be the same, my world was shattered in a way that I never imagined, but I will learn to be okay.
Thank you to EVERYONE that has been and will continue to be a part of this healing process. From my Indiana colleagues that brought meals and care packages, to my Florida colleages that sent flowers and gifts and sweet words, and everyone else who visited, wrote, called and messaged. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I see now that I’m making progress.
I’m looking forward to the upcoming school year and new batch of sweeties that will count on my for everything for 7 hours of their day. I may not have children of my own, but these students are my children and I love them as such.