The stages of grief…

Denial, numbness, and shock: I feel like I just got out of this stage. I kept telling myself it wasn’t real, wasn’t that bad. The phone is going to ring and the Dr. Is going to say that there was a mistake. Problem solved, onto the baby making.

Bargaining: I laid in bed so many nights going over every aspect of my life. What could I have done to prevent this? Could I have been a better person? There’s nothing that I could have done. I couldn’t have caught this any sooner. It sucks, it’s not fair….but why do I feel guilty for this? Why do I feel like this is all my fault.

Depression: I’m here. The surgery made it all real. My life will never be the same. I can’t go back. I will never carry a child, go through labor, have announcement photos, breast feed, feel my baby kick inside, play him or her lullabies in my belly. My life has been ruined, you can tell me all you want that it hasn’t, but it has. The life I had planned will never happen.

Anger: I’m here too. I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt a lot of feelings with this emotion. I apologize now. It is not my intention, but my filter is somewhat broke. I’m angry at people for reasons beyond their control. I’m not angry with them, I’m sad for me. I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, but I do.

Acceptance: In time, I hope that I will be here. I just wish I knew when and I wish that I knew it was going to be sooner than later. I may need counseling, I may need medication, that’s okay. I’ll get it, I’ll be okay.

I’ll make it through. I have people. I have faith. I just wish I could fast forward to okay and happy.

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3 thoughts on “The stages of grief…

  1. Maryellen Makosky says:

    It is good to feel the grief and anger, and sad, I am sorry it does not feel good but try not to stuff it, you will be better for it! Love you lots! ♡♡♡

  2. Aunt margie says:

    Jenni, jenni- I am aching for you. I think this is the hardest time. The known and the unknown. It is also such a rich time, such a raw time. Keep paying attention!Let those emotions pass through you. Breathe them in and breathe them out. Most of all, breathe. Find peace when and where you can. Love you to pieces

  3. mel47834 says:

    Oh my dear sweet Jenni, I am so sorry you are going through this. We can’t fix it for you, or feel your emotions, but we can be a soft place to fall. I don’t want you to feel that your life is ruined, that makes me very sad. You do have a rough road ahead and I will let you grieve everything you have lost, well deserved grief. You will rise above this rough year of 2014 and be joyous and happy again, I promise. With all of the LOVE I have. Your momma

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