My husband is my constant. He’s the one person that chooses to love me with zero judgement and full support. He’s the one person that I lose my shit in front of. I cry, I scream, I flip out because all of this sucks! I tell him my honest to Gods truth. And you know what he does!? He hugs me, smiles, laughs and tells me that we are going to be just fine, no matter what happens, he’ll be there. I worry about him. He carries the weight of all of his emotions and mine. He does it without complaint every single day. He’s scared too. He’s miserable too. You’d never know it though.
I’m a realist and a libra. I’m always balancing that scale. I know that everything might be okay. I also know that everything might not be okay. I also know all the possibilities in between. It’s a little bit of a curse. I live in a “What if?” bubble. This is nothing new to me though. I always have. 9 year old me was all “What if….aliens, Bigfoot, spontaneous combustion, ghosts?” 31 year old me is all “What if….cancer, burglaries, lymphedema, car accidents, aliens?” Lol Here’s the difference between me and an actual crazy person, I know when I’m being rational and irrational. Currently though, I need the Xanax to get me out of the irrational train of thought.
So, here’s the deal. Let’s give credit where credit is due. My husband, as frustrating as he can be, is an amazing man. He’s loving, forgiving, caring, understanding and constant. I am so blessed to have my family here, who we certainly couldn’t do this without. My mother, a flippin’ saint. Lord knows her and I share a brain. She’s the glue that holds EVERYTHING together. She always has been and that’s no small burden to carry. So, with these two people and everyone else, we will all make it through. There will be bumps though.
So, yes, most of the time I appear strong. It’s not necessarily because I am. It’s because each one of these people chose to help me carry this burden. People have often said “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” To that, I disagree, he will give you more than you can handle. He has given me way more than I can handle, but he’s given me people to help me handle it. I’m not carrying this load on my own, because I couldn’t.