Well, tomorrow is the big day. I’m trying to stay very positive and have been so lucky to have been surrounded by positivity and positive people the last few days. I feel as though my physical recovery will be quick and easy. I am absolutely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love by so many. I have already received cards, gifts, and flowers from near and far. I know that more well wishes, prayers, and tokens are still to come. I will never have the words to express my gratitude. I cried this morning telling Vedran how truly loved and blessed we are. It absolutely boggles my mind. I’ve never really thought of myself as special, but I must be.
Now, on to the scary part. Emotionally, how am I going to feel after this? With this surgery, my dream of carrying a child is dead. I know that I will one day be a mother, but until that baby is placed in my arms, I’m not sure that I will be able to think about anything else. What about the 3 1/2 week wait to hear the pathology report and know what comes next? I’m a teacher for goodness sakes, I have to have a plan. I’m hoping that recovering physically, a MUCH anticipated visit from my in-laws, and a teaching seminar will all keep me very busy and my mind occupied. I’m not good at this waiting game. Remember, I am of the generation of instant gratification. I want to know, and I want to know NOW!
I am blessed to have an amazing husband that is beyond supportive, family that is oh so special, and friends that are irreplaceable both old and new. I will make it through this journey. I just hope that I come out of this the same or better than I’ve ever been. I worry that this will change me, define me. I will try not to let it, but some days are hard.
Right now though, I’m hungry! What do I want? Cheese. Weird, I know. Hopefully I’ll be able to eat something tomorrow evening post surgery. I’m not holding my breath though.