Tomorrow is the big day….

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  I’m trying to stay very positive and have been so lucky to have been surrounded by positivity and positive people the last few days.  I feel as though my physical recovery will be quick and easy.  I am absolutely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love by so many.  I have already received cards, gifts, and flowers from near and far.  I know that more well wishes, prayers, and tokens are still to come.  I will never have the words to express my gratitude.  I cried this morning telling Vedran how truly loved and blessed we are.  It absolutely boggles my mind.  I’ve never really thought of myself as special, but I must be.

Now, on to the scary part.  Emotionally, how am I going to feel after this?  With this surgery, my dream of carrying a child is dead.  I know that I will one day be a mother, but until that baby is placed in my arms, I’m not sure that I will be able to think about anything else.  What about the 3 1/2 week wait to hear the pathology report and know what comes next?  I’m a teacher for goodness sakes, I have to have a plan.  I’m hoping that recovering physically, a MUCH anticipated visit from my in-laws, and a teaching seminar will all keep me very busy and my mind occupied.  I’m not good at this waiting game.  Remember, I am of the generation of instant gratification.  I want to know, and I want to know NOW!

I am blessed to have an amazing husband that is beyond supportive, family that is oh so special, and friends that are irreplaceable both old and new.  I will make it through this journey.  I just hope that I come out of this the same or better than I’ve ever been.  I worry that this will change me, define me.  I will try not to let it, but some days are hard. 

Right now though, I’m hungry!  What do I want? Cheese.  Weird, I know.  Hopefully I’ll be able to eat something tomorrow evening post surgery.  I’m not holding my breath though. 


One thought on “Tomorrow is the big day….

  1. Cindy Helinski says:

    Jenni, you are an amazing person in the way you have dealt with this challenge in your life.
    Keep your head up, continue to be strong and brighter days are sure to come. We all have you in our prayers today.

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