Rough night…and day….

The only thing that has consumed my thoughts in the last 24 hours is that I do NOT want this all to be happening.  I’m thinking of all the things that are being taken from me.  I’m thinking about the negative, which I’m sure is normal.  It’s like a terrorist attack.  After 9/11, we all lost our sense of security.  Cancer has attacked my body, will I ever be okay again?

When all of this first happened, I kept thinking into the future.  Let’s just get through this and adopt a baby and life will be perfect.  Now, I’m having a difficult time thinking past today.  Tomorrow I will meet with my new Doctor, who will be performing the surgery.  I’m sure he will be able to answer more of my questions and give me a timeline on all of this.  I’m just scared of the unknown, I’m tired of not knowing.  This is the only time in my life that I’ve wished for a fast forward button and really meant it.

So today, I’m feeling…BLAH!


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